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  • Kirsti Gwynn

2 Actionable Ways to Build Self-Esteem


We’ve all heard it a hundred times: we need to love ourselves first, before we can truly love anyone else, or before we can let anyone else love us as we deserve.

But how exactly do we go about learning to develop self-love and self-respect?

In this blog, I’m going to be sharing two actionable ways that you can go about showing yourself more love, respect and compassion – and in doing so, boost your self-esteem.

A lot of people experience some resistance when it comes to the idea of self-love.

Maybe you feel that if you “really loved yourself” you’d lose your sense of humility, that you’d become arrogant, or that you might lose sight of your flaws.

If you’re like me, you never want to fall into the trap of thinking you’re perfect. It’s important to you to remain aware of where you may need to grow and improve, and you want to acknowledge it when you’ve done something wrong.

But real self-love has nothing to do with arrogance. True self-love is grounded. It’s about having enough self-esteem to face yourself authentically: with respect, compassion and love – and the strength to see your weaknesses.

Showing yourself love and respect simply means responding to yourself the way you would respond to others.

1) When you’re hurting, respond with kindness.

Let’s imagine that you’re upset. Let’s go a step further and say that you’re upset because of something you did wrong – you forgot to follow through on a promise you made at work, for example. There were repercussions.

If you reached out to a good friend at this time, it’s likely that they’d lean in. You’ve reached out for support, and they offer you kindness, compassion and understanding. They listen. They care.

So why are we so hard on ourselves in the same situation?

When things go wrong, maybe you find yourself in a spiral of self-criticism. You might put yourself down or even tell yourself you’re not good enough.

When things go wrong, do you speak to yourself in ways you would never dream of speaking to others?

The truth is, when you’ve made a mistake or done something you regret, what you most need in that moment is self-love and compassion. If you went to a friend, that’s what they would give you.

And yet in that same moment, when we most need to be loved and accepted, we reject ourselves!

Ouch.